So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
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hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
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I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
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