I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
