We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
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I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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