he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
