and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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