You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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