I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
