i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
