This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
