i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize