he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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