the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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