Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
