Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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