you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
