Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
