U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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