I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize