I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
