not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
