when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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