I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
