I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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