apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
