Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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