Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
