Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
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how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
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Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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