Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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