I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
