Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
