I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
