You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
