i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
