didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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