Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
