I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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