wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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