Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
