i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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