I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
