Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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