plz talk dirty to me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
