I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
