I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
