one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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