she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
