sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize