Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
