we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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