just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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