umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
