It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
