anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
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why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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