you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
