My hand turned me down
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
