You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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