I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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