you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
