pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
