Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
