What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
