Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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